What do you do when gratitude is hard?

J.P. Montalvan • November 27, 2022
“Talk to yourself like someone you love.”
-- Brene Brown

___________________________

What do you do when gratitude is hard…

What do you do when you don’t feel very thankful? What do you do when times are hard, and when days like Thanksgiving or people who seem to be “winning” are unwelcome reminders of what’s not going well for you?

You might consider thanking yourself.

We live in two worlds — our inside world and our outside world. Our outside world is that external world where days like Thanksgiving can have outsized expectations around being grateful, “power of positivity” people preaching thankfulness, and idyllic pictures of families gathering for a happy dinner. 

I’m guilty of contributing to some of those outsized moments. Partly because it’s my set point — I was fortunate to be born seeing the glass half full. Partly because I’m committed to the belief that I can actively lead myself to a better place.

I‘ve also lived through holidays where I haven’t felt like the world is all good. And if feel like you’re in that place in one or all parts of your life, I would offer 2 ways and 2 reasons why thanking yourself by turning to your inside, internal world might be just the thing to do…

1 - Thank yourself for you. Your mind is giving you the gift of emotion — even if that emotion is pain. That pain is the opposite of joy, and the pain you feel will allow you to experience a more full level of joy when you get there. Your body is your life vehicle. Each breathe and each movement is something your body alone does. Whether it’s sunny or rainy, your lungs will breathe and you can move your body how you need it to move forward.

After my most recent break-up, and after years of leaning into that relationship, I had some dark days. The same dark days hit me in business at one point, after a business partner stole from our partnership. Both times, I had to spend some time by myself, taking care of myself -- at home, doing solo travel, things on my own. That included thanking myself for me and for what I had done up until that point. It also gave me the time and space to get to the next step…

2 - Thank yourself, by doing something small for yourself. Because you deserve it. You deserve to enjoy a little extra sleep, a few extra minutes to enjoy your coffee or tea, a walk in the fresh air. You deserve to watch something that moves or inspires you, to listen to something that enlightens you. You deserve to really taste a good meal, to sit quietly with a favorite book, to tap your fingers or sway or dance to a song that reminds you of the good times and the better times.

Whether it was my partnership loss or my relationship loss, doing small things for myself were part of what a good friend of mine recently shared is about pushing through. “Sometimes you have to just push through to get to the other side,” he said, “and right now I’m just pushing through.” Whether we are leading others or we are leading ourselves, sometimes we have to just push through.

You may be facing tough times right now, or you may face tough times ahead. I know you can push through. And I hope that if and when you’re there that you will also consider doing something that shouldn’t take much push.

Thank yourself. You are always worthy of thanks.

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