Why Vulnerability Matters
J.P. Montalvan • September 5, 2022
“Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable."
- Dr. Brene Brown
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“I’m drinking too much.”
One of my very good friends shared with me that she’s been drinking too much for the last 2 years — we can call her Monica. She started to drink too much shortly after a very close family member passed away. Pouring an early evening drink became something that started to happen every day, and eventually continued through the evening.
Monica is exceptional at what she does for work. And she’s an extraordinary woman. Beyond her massive business success and the awards she’s won, she deeply loves her husband and makes a wonderful home for their family. Monica is involved in charity work every day that helps abused and abandoned animals find better lives. This was her life all while she lived with this hole in her heart — a hole that brought her to tears every day for months.
How did she realize she had a drinking problem? She started journaling. The journaling led to greater clarity in her life — it focused her thoughts and her feelings on what was happening in her life and what she really wanted in her life.
Since she started journaling, Monica is drinking less than half of what she was before.
And why did she share her drinking problem with me?
“By saying it out loud,” she told me, “to someone who I care about, I’m taking my life back.”
This is the power of being vulnerable.
I never really understood the power of vulnerability until I opened up with my coaches. While I’ve been very successful in many parts of my work and personal lives, I’ve also faced incredible pain — mostly from divorce and failed business partnerships.
Vulnerability feels backwards — sharing where we’re vulnerable is really scary. How can sharing what’s scary help us?
In 2016, when I started to share my wounds with my close friends and coaches at a level I’d never shared before, I started to really understand what happened, including my contribution to my failures. And as a coach, I’ve seen this from the mentoring side — what happens when people reveal their failures, their guilt, and their shame.
When we’re vulnerable — when we share where we feel we’re failing or we’ve failed — these stories no longer have power over us. And when we stop giving our power away to those stories, we become more powerful.
Dr. Brene Brown has studied vulnerability for years. She shares several questions that can help us be more vulnerable, like “where and why do we want to be braver?”
I’d encourage you to think about that. Where and why do you want to be braver? Like Monica, you might write it out, so you can start to make sense of it. Once you’ve explored it with yourself, who can you have the courage to share it with?
It's not Monica's story that's extraordinary but what she’s learning from her story and how she’s growing — not because of her story but in spite of her story.
Vulnerability breaks open the hard ground we all have to walk on. With Monica, she broke open the ground with her courage to be vulnerable. And that’s exactly how our breakthroughs happen.
Here's to your next breakthough.

As a leadership coach, I get to work with a diverse range of entrepreneurs and intrapreneurs – quite a few real estate agents, fitness professionals, mortgage lenders, government contractors and others. Come April, it's like clockwork – we all start realizing how easy it is to lose sight of our yearly goals by the end of the first quarter. Life gets busy, we get caught up in the whirlwind of reactivity, and suddenly, those big dreams we had at the start of the year feel miles away.

As most of you know, tragedy struck on what would have otherwise been an ordinary night earlier this week in the heart of Baltimore. The Francis Scott Key Bridge, an iconic structure that spanned the Patapsco River, became the focal point of a devastating disaster that has shaken Baltimore and the region to its core. As I think about the events of that night, there’s a lot to unpack, from preparedness and the “why” behind a crisis to quick thinking and the human capacity for heroism in the face of adversity.

Happy Hump Day!
I don’t usually reach out to you on Wednesdays, and I wanted to share that Wednesday isn't just any ol' day – it's the linchpin of your week. Why?
As I’m sharing with my Leadership Circle this quarter, Wednesday isn't just the midpoint of the typical work week calendar. It's a golden opportunity for us to hit pause, reassess, and realign ourselves with what really matters – our weekly priorities.

Edwin was born in the small town of Steubenville, Ohio. His education started in Miss Randle’s kindergarten and was followed by Henry Orr’s seminary around the block. At 10, he entered George Buchanan’s nearby Latin school where he was called “an imperious and self-reliant young man.”
Edwin’s lifelong struggle with asthma might have contributed to his temper, but so could have the early death of his father and the deaths of his brother and two children.
And on the eve of achieving his life’s dream — nomination to the Supreme Court — Edwin Stanton’s chronic asthma caused his death in 1869.

As I sit here late at night in my parent’s family room, a few hours away from our home, thinking about you, it dawns on me that we’re often wrapped up with how leadership impacts us in the work world. But the reality is that it permeates every part of our lives – and especially our relationships with family and friends.
This weekend, the conversations with my parents are covering a myriad of topics, from advice on navigating parenthood with our newborn daughter to discussing strategies for managing their health.

Recently, Veronica and I took a trip to the beautiful Virginia countryside around Flint Hill, Virginia. As we took in the breathtaking, winter scenery of rolling hills, horses, cattle and more, we decided to stop for lunch at the inviting Dark Horse Irish Pub. Little did we know that our dining experience would include both delicious food and the unexpected wisdom of a heartfelt connection.
Upon entering the cozy pub, we were greeted incredibly warmly. Our waiter was a young man who attended to us graciously through our meal, and when he had to leave was replaced by an older waiter. The older waiter had a twinkle in his eye, as they say, and he immediately struck a chord with us. As our main meal switched to delicious desserts, he engaged us in some lively conversation and took a genuine interest in our newborn daughter in the stroller by our table. His genuine care and enthusiasm was really something.

In the challenging world of Hollywood, with a sea of scripts and opportunities, Reese knew what she wanted. Despite some early success and the offers of darker and more intense roles, she was drawn towards “optimistic” storylines that inspired and uplifted. She wanted to make a meaningful impact on her audience, especially girls and young women.
“I got a role in this movie called Freeway playing this really angry, aggressive, violent young woman who believed wholeheartedly in the truth,” Reese shared. “I had such satisfaction afterward, and I thought, that's what I want to do.”

Closing the Gap: Kareem’s Legacy and Your “Big 3” to Success
In the fast-paced world we live in, it's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of daily tasks and lose sight of our priorities. If you’re anything like me, it happens when we think about the gaps between where we are and where we want to go, in business or in our personal lives.
Kareem dedicates much of his time now to empowering marginalized communities, reflected in his book "Writings on the Wall: Searching for a New Equality Beyond Black and White." He was asked once about his ability to prioritize amidst the glitz of a storied career.

Getting picked last isn't great. Brock would know…
As February rolls in, it's time for a reality check on our goals. How often have you lost sight of your aspirations by now, slipping from proactive to reactive mode? I know I have in the past. How do we stay focused in the chaos of a competitive, hyperconnected world? That's a heck of a ball game.
And when we lose sight of our goals – our big goals – we are picking ourselves last.