How Do We Learn Happiness?

J.P. Montalvan • June 12, 2022
“Reaching beyond where you are is really important.”
- Dr. Martin Seligman

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Learning Happiness

Last week, I shared something with you that wasn’t exactly true.

Starting in the 1960s, renowned psychologist and researcher Dr. Martin Seligman developed groundbreaking research on learned helplessness. What I shared of Dr. Seligman's, in a nutshell, is that if we face enough bad things in our lives, we learn to become helpless — we’re unable to move our lives forward. This helplessness is the exact opposite of happiness.

What wasn’t exactly true is that helplessness isn’t learned. Dr. Seligman’s research over decades has shown that helplessness is actually our default when we face prolonged challenges, shock or trauma. Helplessness is automatic.

That means that if we want to move to a happier place in our lives, we have to learn happiness. It’s not automatic.

“Don’t worry be happy” doesn’t work. If you think about it, when you’ve faced real adversity in your life over a long period of time, did someone saying something positive to you really help you?

Unlikely. In fact, it’s been proven by decades of research that we are the only ones who can to take positive steps in our own lives — called interventions — to make our lives happier.

What are the positive interventions we can take?

This is what we talked about this week in the Leadership Circle. Practicing gratitude. Designing a “beautiful” day. Harnessing our relationship “superpowers.” Building philanthropy and the “faith” domain of our lives. 

Would you explore one with me? Here’s a 5 minute clip from our Leadership Circle training on “Beautiful Day Design.” This is just one way we can really move our happy dial in the right direction.

Easy to do? No. Why? 

Knowledge isn’t power. Integrating meaningful knowledge into our daily lives is power. Without applying our knowledge day in and day out, we may learn but we won’t grow. It’s in the integration that we really move the happy dial.

You might start by picking one happiness intervention and applying the principle most days of the week.

That’s what we do in the Leadership Circle. We recognize that growth is about being in a supportive environment that helps us take consistent steps forward by knocking over what we call our “one thing dominos.” We knock over one small one, then another small one, then another small one, and so on.

Inevitably, one of our dominos doesn’t fall. That’s where we as a group talk about the “why” and set a new domino to get us back on track.

We all deserve great happiness in our lives. Maybe not at every moment, but in many moments.

Being happy won’t just happen. What domino can you knock over today to create a happier life?

Here’s to that happy journey!
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