Going beyond social: how can we really connect?
J.P. Montalvan • June 5, 2023
"Connection is why we're here: it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives."
-- Brene Brown
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Going beyond social: how can we really connect?
I have a love-hate relationship with social media. I love that I can check-in and see how friends and family are doing in an instant. And I hate how blurry picture it is. One study I read recently says that only 19% of women and 18% of men reported that their social media displays “a completely accurate reflection” of who they really are.
This month, my Leadership Circle is talking about what I call the “3 C’s of Success” – competence, confidence and connectivity. These interconnected qualities form a powerful triad that propels you toward what you want in your life. Whether you want to excel in your career, build meaningful relationships, or tackle new challenges, nurturing your competence, confidence, and connectivity will pave the way for you to succeed.
We’ve talked these last few weeks about competence and confidence – from continuously learning, adapting and reinventing ourselves to achieving our goals and embracing our failures. Connectivity builds on these. In a world where our connections and interactions are becoming more superficial and digital, it’s more important than ever to build real connections with others.
As I look back on my life and study the lives of my successful and happy friends and clients, I’ve recognized 3 practices that allow us to really connect and build meaningful relationships.
Embrace Your Authentic Self.
Authenticity is the key to unlocking genuine connections. We’re often pressured to conform and fit into predefined molds, leaving little room for individuality. I’ve learned that embracing our true selves and staying true to our values and beliefs allows us to attract people like us and form deeper connections. By letting go of the fear of judgment and people's expectations, you can create a safe space for others to do the same.
Extend a Helping Hand.
One of the most beautiful ways to nurture our connections is by helping others. Acts of kindness and selflessness have the power to bring people together, transcending boundaries and differences. When you offer your help without expecting anything in return, you not only make a positive impact on someone's life but also establish a deep bond rooted in empathy and caring.
Pay attention.
In a world filled with distractions and constant noise, paying attention is a challenge. And when we genuinely listen to others, we show them that they matter and that their thoughts and feelings are truly heard. By giving your undivided attention, you can create space for meaningful conversations and start to connect more deeply.
Embracing your authentic self, extending a helping hand, and paying attention are transformative practices that enable us to forge deep and meaningful connections with others. Sounds good…but how do we do it?
To be authentic, work to be consistently honest and vulnerable. When you’re genuine and real, it gives others permission to be their authentic selves as well. You can help others in many ways, from offering a listening ear to volunteering in the community or supporting a charitable cause. Paying attention goes beyond just hearing words. Be present, ask questions and tune into non-verbal cues, emotions, and subtleties.
By being true to yourself, by helping others, and by paying attention, you will find “your people.” You’ll create strong and loving bonds. You’ll understand more about others, and you’ll be able to be more empathetic.
We all need connection.
What we have to remember is that we do have the power to truly connect by creating an environment that really nurtures meaningful relationships. By being ourselves, helping others, and paying attention, we live lives worth living and in communities where genuine connections live.
That will bring us closer to what’s really important – being around people with whom we’re truly happy.
Gad was 10 years old when he saw people going door to door, hauling out his neighbors, shooting them and burning down their homes.
Stephen was 7 years old when he was separated from his family, only to find out later that most of his family was murdered.
As a leadership coach, I get to work with a diverse range of entrepreneurs and intrapreneurs – quite a few real estate agents, fitness professionals, mortgage lenders, government contractors and others. Come April, it's like clockwork – we all start realizing how easy it is to lose sight of our yearly goals by the end of the first quarter. Life gets busy, we get caught up in the whirlwind of reactivity, and suddenly, those big dreams we had at the start of the year feel miles away.
As most of you know, tragedy struck on what would have otherwise been an ordinary night earlier this week in the heart of Baltimore. The Francis Scott Key Bridge, an iconic structure that spanned the Patapsco River, became the focal point of a devastating disaster that has shaken Baltimore and the region to its core. As I think about the events of that night, there’s a lot to unpack, from preparedness and the “why” behind a crisis to quick thinking and the human capacity for heroism in the face of adversity.
Happy Hump Day!
I don’t usually reach out to you on Wednesdays, and I wanted to share that Wednesday isn't just any ol' day – it's the linchpin of your week. Why?
As I’m sharing with my Leadership Circle this quarter, Wednesday isn't just the midpoint of the typical work week calendar. It's a golden opportunity for us to hit pause, reassess, and realign ourselves with what really matters – our weekly priorities.
Edwin was born in the small town of Steubenville, Ohio. His education started in Miss Randle’s kindergarten and was followed by Henry Orr’s seminary around the block. At 10, he entered George Buchanan’s nearby Latin school where he was called “an imperious and self-reliant young man.”
Edwin’s lifelong struggle with asthma might have contributed to his temper, but so could have the early death of his father and the deaths of his brother and two children.
And on the eve of achieving his life’s dream — nomination to the Supreme Court — Edwin Stanton’s chronic asthma caused his death in 1869.
As I sit here late at night in my parent’s family room, a few hours away from our home, thinking about you, it dawns on me that we’re often wrapped up with how leadership impacts us in the work world. But the reality is that it permeates every part of our lives – and especially our relationships with family and friends.
This weekend, the conversations with my parents are covering a myriad of topics, from advice on navigating parenthood with our newborn daughter to discussing strategies for managing their health.
Recently, Veronica and I took a trip to the beautiful Virginia countryside around Flint Hill, Virginia. As we took in the breathtaking, winter scenery of rolling hills, horses, cattle and more, we decided to stop for lunch at the inviting Dark Horse Irish Pub. Little did we know that our dining experience would include both delicious food and the unexpected wisdom of a heartfelt connection.
Upon entering the cozy pub, we were greeted incredibly warmly. Our waiter was a young man who attended to us graciously through our meal, and when he had to leave was replaced by an older waiter. The older waiter had a twinkle in his eye, as they say, and he immediately struck a chord with us. As our main meal switched to delicious desserts, he engaged us in some lively conversation and took a genuine interest in our newborn daughter in the stroller by our table. His genuine care and enthusiasm was really something.
In the challenging world of Hollywood, with a sea of scripts and opportunities, Reese knew what she wanted. Despite some early success and the offers of darker and more intense roles, she was drawn towards “optimistic” storylines that inspired and uplifted. She wanted to make a meaningful impact on her audience, especially girls and young women.
“I got a role in this movie called Freeway playing this really angry, aggressive, violent young woman who believed wholeheartedly in the truth,” Reese shared. “I had such satisfaction afterward, and I thought, that's what I want to do.”
Closing the Gap: Kareem’s Legacy and Your “Big 3” to Success
In the fast-paced world we live in, it's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of daily tasks and lose sight of our priorities. If you’re anything like me, it happens when we think about the gaps between where we are and where we want to go, in business or in our personal lives.
Kareem dedicates much of his time now to empowering marginalized communities, reflected in his book "Writings on the Wall: Searching for a New Equality Beyond Black and White." He was asked once about his ability to prioritize amidst the glitz of a storied career.
Getting picked last isn't great. Brock would know…
As February rolls in, it's time for a reality check on our goals. How often have you lost sight of your aspirations by now, slipping from proactive to reactive mode? I know I have in the past. How do we stay focused in the chaos of a competitive, hyperconnected world? That's a heck of a ball game.
And when we lose sight of our goals – our big goals – we are picking ourselves last.