Why be your best?
J.P. Montalvan • August 16, 2022
“I am not what happened to me,
I am who I choose to become."
- Carl Jung
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Last week I shared with you that the Harris Poll recently found that Americans are more stressed than at anytime since the poll started in the early 2000s.
And last week we talked about being our best selves…
So if we’re totally stressed out, how can we really be our best selves?
I shared with you the 3 questions (in 3 minutes) to being your best, but actually being your best starts with asking “why should I be my best self." (I invite you to watch the Quick Take video.)
We’re either moving toward being our best selves or away from being our best selves. One of the false stories in life is that we can stay in one place, maintaining the status quo.
Imagine this. Standing up. Imagine standing in one place and not moving, indefinitely. Impossible, right?
I remember watching the CBS show, Survivor, where a regular challenge on the show was for one of the contestants to be the last person standing on a log. The last person standing would win the immunity idol and would be safe from being voted off the island (and the show).
Why should you be your best self? We should drive toward being our best selves because if we don’t, we’re moving away from being our best selves
— we're falling off the log. It’s impossible for us to stay perfectly still in one place in any part of our lives.
One of the things I pay attention to when I’m coaching and sharing principles with you is to make sure that what I’m coaching and training is generally rooted in science.
In 2005, several prominent business professors published the Reflected Best Self Exercise (RBSE). The idea behind the RBSE was to create a framework for receiving positive affirmation as a way to grow, especially when it comes to moments where we are our best.
Since 2005, thousands of people in corporate trainings, team building and leadership programs have used the RBSE. It’s been proven to foster healthy emotions, increase personal resourcefulness, strengthen the quality of relationships and increase job satisfaction.
Put another way, if you drive toward being your best self, you’ll be happier in life.
And you’ll drive away the enemy within — that voice in your head that says that you shouldn’t or can’t drive to be your best self every day, or be happy.
In my Leadership Circle, we integrate the framework and practice the lessons of being our best selves in a very similar way to the Reflected Best Self Exercise…
We pay attention to the positive feedback we receive and we ask questions to better understand that positive feedback. And we study our successes. In positive feedback and studying our successes, we discover our true superpowers — which bring us closer to being our best selves.
We also practice being our best selves. In our trainings and worksheets, we focus on what being our best selves really means and the “domino” actions to drive toward that. And we pay it forward…we're a community of like-minded people where the positive feedback loop becomes the norm.
I’d love for you to join our Leadership Circle. And until then, I hope you'll think about and share this weekly memo and watch our video "quick takes." Because however you decide to continue your journey, if you do the work, you will be your best self.

As a leadership coach, I get to work with a diverse range of entrepreneurs and intrapreneurs – quite a few real estate agents, fitness professionals, mortgage lenders, government contractors and others. Come April, it's like clockwork – we all start realizing how easy it is to lose sight of our yearly goals by the end of the first quarter. Life gets busy, we get caught up in the whirlwind of reactivity, and suddenly, those big dreams we had at the start of the year feel miles away.

As most of you know, tragedy struck on what would have otherwise been an ordinary night earlier this week in the heart of Baltimore. The Francis Scott Key Bridge, an iconic structure that spanned the Patapsco River, became the focal point of a devastating disaster that has shaken Baltimore and the region to its core. As I think about the events of that night, there’s a lot to unpack, from preparedness and the “why” behind a crisis to quick thinking and the human capacity for heroism in the face of adversity.

Happy Hump Day!
I don’t usually reach out to you on Wednesdays, and I wanted to share that Wednesday isn't just any ol' day – it's the linchpin of your week. Why?
As I’m sharing with my Leadership Circle this quarter, Wednesday isn't just the midpoint of the typical work week calendar. It's a golden opportunity for us to hit pause, reassess, and realign ourselves with what really matters – our weekly priorities.

Edwin was born in the small town of Steubenville, Ohio. His education started in Miss Randle’s kindergarten and was followed by Henry Orr’s seminary around the block. At 10, he entered George Buchanan’s nearby Latin school where he was called “an imperious and self-reliant young man.”
Edwin’s lifelong struggle with asthma might have contributed to his temper, but so could have the early death of his father and the deaths of his brother and two children.
And on the eve of achieving his life’s dream — nomination to the Supreme Court — Edwin Stanton’s chronic asthma caused his death in 1869.

As I sit here late at night in my parent’s family room, a few hours away from our home, thinking about you, it dawns on me that we’re often wrapped up with how leadership impacts us in the work world. But the reality is that it permeates every part of our lives – and especially our relationships with family and friends.
This weekend, the conversations with my parents are covering a myriad of topics, from advice on navigating parenthood with our newborn daughter to discussing strategies for managing their health.

Recently, Veronica and I took a trip to the beautiful Virginia countryside around Flint Hill, Virginia. As we took in the breathtaking, winter scenery of rolling hills, horses, cattle and more, we decided to stop for lunch at the inviting Dark Horse Irish Pub. Little did we know that our dining experience would include both delicious food and the unexpected wisdom of a heartfelt connection.
Upon entering the cozy pub, we were greeted incredibly warmly. Our waiter was a young man who attended to us graciously through our meal, and when he had to leave was replaced by an older waiter. The older waiter had a twinkle in his eye, as they say, and he immediately struck a chord with us. As our main meal switched to delicious desserts, he engaged us in some lively conversation and took a genuine interest in our newborn daughter in the stroller by our table. His genuine care and enthusiasm was really something.

In the challenging world of Hollywood, with a sea of scripts and opportunities, Reese knew what she wanted. Despite some early success and the offers of darker and more intense roles, she was drawn towards “optimistic” storylines that inspired and uplifted. She wanted to make a meaningful impact on her audience, especially girls and young women.
“I got a role in this movie called Freeway playing this really angry, aggressive, violent young woman who believed wholeheartedly in the truth,” Reese shared. “I had such satisfaction afterward, and I thought, that's what I want to do.”

Closing the Gap: Kareem’s Legacy and Your “Big 3” to Success
In the fast-paced world we live in, it's easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of daily tasks and lose sight of our priorities. If you’re anything like me, it happens when we think about the gaps between where we are and where we want to go, in business or in our personal lives.
Kareem dedicates much of his time now to empowering marginalized communities, reflected in his book "Writings on the Wall: Searching for a New Equality Beyond Black and White." He was asked once about his ability to prioritize amidst the glitz of a storied career.

Getting picked last isn't great. Brock would know…
As February rolls in, it's time for a reality check on our goals. How often have you lost sight of your aspirations by now, slipping from proactive to reactive mode? I know I have in the past. How do we stay focused in the chaos of a competitive, hyperconnected world? That's a heck of a ball game.
And when we lose sight of our goals – our big goals – we are picking ourselves last.